Just a quick note before I head off to class - I've spent the morning with all kinds of aviation stuff - dropping by the Medallion Foundation, talking with some tailwheel instructors, checking out a parts store and their "cub corner" - all kinds of stuff. I even got to see a pristine Beech 18 - I hadn't realized they used the same R-985 powerplant as the old Beavers. Cool!
Anyhow, as I was driving along after all that, I look up to see a couple fighter planes chasing each other around the sky, almost like happy puppies - except, well, lethal.
Anyhow, it just really sunk in then what a perfect place this was to come learn to fly.
I imagine it's like going to acting school in Hollywood, or those few years I was working in Silicon Valley during the first rise of the dot.coms, seeing all famous tech company buildings everywhere.
It's like that here with flying.
Old classics, modern transports, little bushplanes - take your pick. There's some of everything here, and that's not even touching the Air Force base just up the road.
Gosh is it cool.
Oh well - off to class. Doing performance charts today!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Follow Your Bliss... or not.
Things have been all kinds of busy lately.
We started a class at church on the Book of Acts, which looks like it's going to be all kinds of awesome. I just finished my third week of contract work there yesterday, and will find out sometime next week if they've the budget to keep me. I sure hope so, but if not I can find something to keep body and soul together.
We're in the middle of flight instruments in ground school - for the most part it's (rather dull) review, though I'm sure once we get into navigation and all I'll have my hands full.
Today's going to be mostly reading for both classes - whew!
But anyway - I wanted to talk about a conversation I had not long ago.
I was talking with a dear darling friend of mine, and mentioned how excited I was to be here, learning what I'm learning and doing what I'm doing.
Her reply was "I am so glad that you have found your bliss!"
It sounds wonderful - it's what we're taught so much, right? Find what you want to do, go out and make your dreams come true. But really though, this is what I'm discovering - it's not about seeking one's bliss. It's not about "I" at all.
It's about surrendering to God. It's not always blissful, but it is SO much more
peaceful.
Don't get me wrong, the process is traumatic as heck. It's not for nothing that the old writings call it "dying to yourself." Because that's exactly what you do. You have to be willing to give up EVERYTHING you hold dear. Any possession, any job, any relationship, any home, any habit or joy, your very life on this earth - ANYthing and EVERYthing. Put it ALL on the table and say "okay God, I'm yours completely. Tell me what you want of me."
And the answer comes.
And when it does, when you finally come out the other side you will know a peace like never before. Any yes, it might be blissful. Or it might be difficult. It might be joyful, or it might even be fatal. But it won't matter, because God's peace is in your heart.
Does that make sense?
I think it's similar to what the Buddhists talk about when they encourage one to relinquish attachment, for with attachment comes disappointment and suffering. And they're right - anything of this world will eventually let you down. Possessions can be lost or destroyed, fortunes can evaporate. Friends and lovers can be unfaithful, and even your children can die. Tomorrow any one of us could be injured or crippled for life.
Nothing of this world is guaranteed to last - you really can lose it all in a heartbeat. And that is why God tells us to base our lives on Him, rather than even our families in life. As a child I didn't understand that - I thought those words were from a mean God. Put some jealous invisible being over my own mommy and daddy? It made no sense to me.
Now years later, having lost family, I see how wise and loving those words really were.
So back to the "no attachments" ideal of Buddhism - it's right as far as it goes. But it doesn't tell you the other half of the story. You're not being asked to give up something for nothing. Letting go of attachments so as not to feel pain is a losing game - if that's all there is, why live at all?
Christianity tells us instead that "The Kingdom of the Heavens is like treasure buried in the open country, which a man finds, but buries again, and, in his joy about it, goes and sells all he has and buys that piece of ground."
We're not being asked to give up something for nothing, just so we won't be hurt. No, instead we're being told that if we relinquish our mortal attachments what we receive in exchange will seem paltry in comparison.
And all that said - I'm as fallible as they come, all too prone to forget that grace. But just from the peace I've been gifted just to date, I have to say this much - He is absolutely right.
"You don't need to find yourself... you need to lose yourself."
We started a class at church on the Book of Acts, which looks like it's going to be all kinds of awesome. I just finished my third week of contract work there yesterday, and will find out sometime next week if they've the budget to keep me. I sure hope so, but if not I can find something to keep body and soul together.
We're in the middle of flight instruments in ground school - for the most part it's (rather dull) review, though I'm sure once we get into navigation and all I'll have my hands full.
Today's going to be mostly reading for both classes - whew!
But anyway - I wanted to talk about a conversation I had not long ago.
I was talking with a dear darling friend of mine, and mentioned how excited I was to be here, learning what I'm learning and doing what I'm doing.
Her reply was "I am so glad that you have found your bliss!"
It sounds wonderful - it's what we're taught so much, right? Find what you want to do, go out and make your dreams come true. But really though, this is what I'm discovering - it's not about seeking one's bliss. It's not about "I" at all.
It's about surrendering to God. It's not always blissful, but it is SO much more
peaceful.
Don't get me wrong, the process is traumatic as heck. It's not for nothing that the old writings call it "dying to yourself." Because that's exactly what you do. You have to be willing to give up EVERYTHING you hold dear. Any possession, any job, any relationship, any home, any habit or joy, your very life on this earth - ANYthing and EVERYthing. Put it ALL on the table and say "okay God, I'm yours completely. Tell me what you want of me."
And the answer comes.
And when it does, when you finally come out the other side you will know a peace like never before. Any yes, it might be blissful. Or it might be difficult. It might be joyful, or it might even be fatal. But it won't matter, because God's peace is in your heart.
Does that make sense?
I think it's similar to what the Buddhists talk about when they encourage one to relinquish attachment, for with attachment comes disappointment and suffering. And they're right - anything of this world will eventually let you down. Possessions can be lost or destroyed, fortunes can evaporate. Friends and lovers can be unfaithful, and even your children can die. Tomorrow any one of us could be injured or crippled for life.
Nothing of this world is guaranteed to last - you really can lose it all in a heartbeat. And that is why God tells us to base our lives on Him, rather than even our families in life. As a child I didn't understand that - I thought those words were from a mean God. Put some jealous invisible being over my own mommy and daddy? It made no sense to me.
Now years later, having lost family, I see how wise and loving those words really were.
So back to the "no attachments" ideal of Buddhism - it's right as far as it goes. But it doesn't tell you the other half of the story. You're not being asked to give up something for nothing. Letting go of attachments so as not to feel pain is a losing game - if that's all there is, why live at all?
Christianity tells us instead that "The Kingdom of the Heavens is like treasure buried in the open country, which a man finds, but buries again, and, in his joy about it, goes and sells all he has and buys that piece of ground."
We're not being asked to give up something for nothing, just so we won't be hurt. No, instead we're being told that if we relinquish our mortal attachments what we receive in exchange will seem paltry in comparison.
And all that said - I'm as fallible as they come, all too prone to forget that grace. But just from the peace I've been gifted just to date, I have to say this much - He is absolutely right.
"You don't need to find yourself... you need to lose yourself."
Green and Gold...
Let's just say that UAA's school colors ain't no accident. The bases of the mountains around here are almost exactly those very shades of green and gold these last couple weeks, as the birch start to close up shop for the year and the evergreens keep going. It's like being surrounded by a giant homecoming parade all the time. The mountaintops are already getting dusted with snow.
Oohboy, my first Alaskan winter is already coming round the corner. But gosh is it beautiful now!
Oohboy, my first Alaskan winter is already coming round the corner. But gosh is it beautiful now!
Monday, September 17, 2007
Whoo! Playtime! Toys!
I got to play in the simulator tonight as a part of UAA's ground school. Took a little bit for it all to come back, but by the end of the hour I was pulling straight-on by the book landings. "Some of the smoothest I've ever seen in this simulator" says the instructor. Cool!
Okay, lesson learned. Ignore the VASI lights once you're real close in and eyeball the last bit of the approach.
neat neat neat...
And oh - I also came home with some new toys. A model little model DHC Beaver, and better yet a model WASP engine to tinker with. I know, I know - MAF doesn't use the thing and DHC stopped building Beavers when my Dad was a little boy. I don't care - it's like a real world "Serenity" - there's just so much soul in that ol' plane.
Ah well, back to work.
Okay, lesson learned. Ignore the VASI lights once you're real close in and eyeball the last bit of the approach.
neat neat neat...
And oh - I also came home with some new toys. A model little model DHC Beaver, and better yet a model WASP engine to tinker with. I know, I know - MAF doesn't use the thing and DHC stopped building Beavers when my Dad was a little boy. I don't care - it's like a real world "Serenity" - there's just so much soul in that ol' plane.
Ah well, back to work.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Just a life update....
Yay! I have an extra week of work at church! Only part time, but that's good since it gives me more time to trick out the lodge website (which I'm doing today) and study.
They want me and I want to work there, it's just a budget thing at this point. Which honestly I understand. When folks part with their money in an offering, they're not usually thinking of heating bills and insurance - or the website they checked that morning or Sunday school materials for their kids. They're thinking of good deeds in the community and around the world.
From a personal standpoint though, I must admit there's no place I'd rather work right now. Practical reasons aside, there's just something different about working there. The very first day I was put on making Bible verse cards for the kids, and was struck by how different it felt than say making material for an ad agency or suchlike...
"I don't feel like I'm lying to people."
We'll see. It'd help them, it'd help me. Most important, it'd help their mission.
I hope it works out. But as God wills it.
Trust.
Thanks all. :)
They want me and I want to work there, it's just a budget thing at this point. Which honestly I understand. When folks part with their money in an offering, they're not usually thinking of heating bills and insurance - or the website they checked that morning or Sunday school materials for their kids. They're thinking of good deeds in the community and around the world.
From a personal standpoint though, I must admit there's no place I'd rather work right now. Practical reasons aside, there's just something different about working there. The very first day I was put on making Bible verse cards for the kids, and was struck by how different it felt than say making material for an ad agency or suchlike...
"I don't feel like I'm lying to people."
We'll see. It'd help them, it'd help me. Most important, it'd help their mission.
I hope it works out. But as God wills it.
Trust.
Thanks all. :)
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Meditations on Faith
Those who've known me for a while know that for many years I claimed "pagan" as my faith. Not so much into the spells and candles of wicca proper, but every bit the "tree hugging dirt worshipper" the bumper stickers brag about. I'll admit there are still times I miss it - the whisper of the moon, the echoes in the forest just seemed more personal in that faith. Gods and goddesses, spirits and elements, and the touch of magic - it was like the fairyland of my childhood come to life. I loved it.
And yet... all that magic stopped at death's door. Paganism as I experienced it was a uniquely beautiful, poetic faith - but when the time came for those hard answers, it came up empty. The dribs and drabs imported from various eastern religions and 19th century spiritualism just couldn't answer that deep "Why, God?" look as I might.
So the turn of my conversion began while sitting in the very closet (I think) in which my brother hanged himself. Sitting there in the dim light, mourning and aching, only one prayer came to my lips, echoing from childhood -
"Our Father, Who art in Heaven,
Hallowed by Thy name...."
A simple reversion to the comforts of childhood the cynic will say, and I'm sure that's part of it. But things weren't so simple as a dramatic turnaround then and there. It was a long road back, with many hard lessons yet to learn. But that's where it started.
So on to the crux of this meditation - the story of Christianity.
You know the movie Matrix right? I mean, who doesn't? Remember the part where the Evil Agent is bending down to our Captured Mentor Hero and saying:
"Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program."
It strikes me in retrospect that Christianity is very much like that. It seems almost too perfect, the ultimate fantasy. I mean, think about it. The very Creator of an incomprehensibly huge universe shoehorns himself into human shape to come a people in one tiny corner of a tiny planet in all that vastness, just to say "hey, I LOVE you guys. And this is how you should live if you want to come be one with me."
I mean really, who could write that and expect anyone to believe it? Even in their time it was incomprehensible, and all the more unbelievable in our skeptical age where we're trying to sort through a jillion ads and scams a day.
It's simply too good to be true, it seems.
And yet, that's the story.
My head says that's actually a point in it's favor - any lie of man in that age or this would frankly be more believable. My heart, well.. as the song goes -
"My faith is like the shifting sands,
So I stand on Grace."
Thanks God. Lord knows I can't truly comprehend your story, so thanks for the patience. I need it.
PS - You Rock.
And yet... all that magic stopped at death's door. Paganism as I experienced it was a uniquely beautiful, poetic faith - but when the time came for those hard answers, it came up empty. The dribs and drabs imported from various eastern religions and 19th century spiritualism just couldn't answer that deep "Why, God?" look as I might.
So the turn of my conversion began while sitting in the very closet (I think) in which my brother hanged himself. Sitting there in the dim light, mourning and aching, only one prayer came to my lips, echoing from childhood -
"Our Father, Who art in Heaven,
Hallowed by Thy name...."
A simple reversion to the comforts of childhood the cynic will say, and I'm sure that's part of it. But things weren't so simple as a dramatic turnaround then and there. It was a long road back, with many hard lessons yet to learn. But that's where it started.
So on to the crux of this meditation - the story of Christianity.
You know the movie Matrix right? I mean, who doesn't? Remember the part where the Evil Agent is bending down to our Captured Mentor Hero and saying:
"Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program."
It strikes me in retrospect that Christianity is very much like that. It seems almost too perfect, the ultimate fantasy. I mean, think about it. The very Creator of an incomprehensibly huge universe shoehorns himself into human shape to come a people in one tiny corner of a tiny planet in all that vastness, just to say "hey, I LOVE you guys. And this is how you should live if you want to come be one with me."
I mean really, who could write that and expect anyone to believe it? Even in their time it was incomprehensible, and all the more unbelievable in our skeptical age where we're trying to sort through a jillion ads and scams a day.
It's simply too good to be true, it seems.
And yet, that's the story.
My head says that's actually a point in it's favor - any lie of man in that age or this would frankly be more believable. My heart, well.. as the song goes -
"My faith is like the shifting sands,
So I stand on Grace."
Thanks God. Lord knows I can't truly comprehend your story, so thanks for the patience. I need it.
PS - You Rock.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
The Next Chapter
So far, ground school is pretty basic. The only new stuff is actually having to read the FAR/AIM. Yech. But at least nothing really new in the actual content of the course - reading ahead is your friend. :)
Next week no classes on Monday, so more time to work on the Lodge site. Tuesday I start some more part time work, and Wednesday I go in early to drop by the A&P labs. Our reading this week was the powerplant, and there's only so much you can learn from the book illustrations, so they kindly said I could come see the real things.
Here's the cutaway engine we have in our classroom - great for understanding the basics, but it's missing the oil system, air, so forth and so on. Still it's fun to turn the prop and watch the big ol' pistons and little valves do their thing.
(the whole thing)
(the ginourmous pistons)
(the camshaft the ginoumous pistons turn)
(the doohickey that tells the valves whether to be open or closed)
Amazingly simple once you start looking at how all the parts go together. Pretty darn clever. :)
Next week no classes on Monday, so more time to work on the Lodge site. Tuesday I start some more part time work, and Wednesday I go in early to drop by the A&P labs. Our reading this week was the powerplant, and there's only so much you can learn from the book illustrations, so they kindly said I could come see the real things.
Here's the cutaway engine we have in our classroom - great for understanding the basics, but it's missing the oil system, air, so forth and so on. Still it's fun to turn the prop and watch the big ol' pistons and little valves do their thing.
(the whole thing)
(the ginourmous pistons)
(the camshaft the ginoumous pistons turn)
(the doohickey that tells the valves whether to be open or closed)
Amazingly simple once you start looking at how all the parts go together. Pretty darn clever. :)
Freedom runs on gasoline....
Nothing like being without transportation for a while to realize how dependent we are on the things. Thanks to the wonders of classified ads, I managed to find this big darling -
Sure he's seen better days, and yes that is primer on the hood. The old front half has been pulled off and replaced with one off another beater. Still, between that throaty grumble and relatively nimble handling, I was smitten. And the second best thing is, if (when) I slide around on the ice this winter, it's already pre-banged up, so I don't need to cry over adding some more dents.
The most best thing is - no payments. Don't laugh, as they say, he's paid for.
Sure he's seen better days, and yes that is primer on the hood. The old front half has been pulled off and replaced with one off another beater. Still, between that throaty grumble and relatively nimble handling, I was smitten. And the second best thing is, if (when) I slide around on the ice this winter, it's already pre-banged up, so I don't need to cry over adding some more dents.
The most best thing is - no payments. Don't laugh, as they say, he's paid for.
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